TITLE: Reincarnated as a Dainty Princess.
BY: Arne. June 10-12,2025. Edit version: 12.
CHAPTER -1.
In Barrel's little daydreams she was a slender and elegant woman. What everyone else saw in real life was a square-bodied six and a half foot gorilla with several knife scars lining a terrifying pockmarked face. She had a smile not unlike that of the car crusher she was currently feeding with a series of squirming human bodies. Squelch, squelch, squelch—into the rolling teeth they went... four, five, six and seven. Seeing how the eighth and last Guerra cartel henchman looked willing to talk, Barrel hit a button and the car crusher stopped chewing, leaving only a pair of feet not fully swallowed by the interlocking bloodied steel teeth.
She pulled down the mouth gag of the remaining henchman—barely avoiding a spray of snot and saliva—and patiently waited out his panicked hyperventilating. Barrel really didn't like this sort of thing. She famously preferred stuffing people into barrels—it was much more tidy—but today she had to improvise as the junkyard she had borrowed surprisingly didn't even have a single barrel. In real life, barrels actually weren't nearly as common as in video games, and they were also quite a bit smaller—which was why she often had to "trim" bodies a bit to fit them inside.
Barrel had many names—Barrel Packer, Killer Gorilla, Meat Hands Barbarose—and she was many bad things, but one thing she was not was a human trafficker, nor was the Mo-Murdina cartel she did all of her mercenary work for. That's why she had taken the initiative to ambush the Guerra boys—they had bought "coffle goods" from the shitgrinning teflon brained brownshirts across the north border. Barrel had never thought she'd see the day when a cartel member such as her would come across favourably, but recently there had been a number of news articles painting a rather too rosy picture of the Mo-Murdina cartel's recent rescue operations.
After extracting everything from the Guerra henchman, and clipping a few fingers just to make sure, she made a call to her boss.
—"It's me. Yeah I got it. They're in a blue shipping container in the south docks... Uhum. Uhum."
—"Yeah I have- uh, just- uh..." she started, then thought of a joke.
She huffed as she lifted the man with her free arm, chucking him into the crusher. Without a gag on, this man's scream was just as loud as the screeching of the machine when she turned it back on.
"-just rolled up things up here. Heh." she continued on the phone, raising her voice.
"I said I just rolled up things here!"
"Rolled! I said I ro-"
She didn't finish, as behind her a black car had sneaked up, five men with sunglasses and tommy-guns disembarking and immediately opening fire. It took 50 bullets to kill her.
CHAPTER 0.
God appeared one day.
It wasn't any of the known Gods, just some lazy guy fooling around a bit.
He made a floating castle in the sky for all to see.
He healed a few celebrity paraplegics.
He made floppy disks come back, both the 3.5 and 5.25 inch ones.
He microwaved a burrito so hot he couldn't eat it, so he threw it out of the universe.
Upon witnessing God's power, many abandoned their old faiths, greedy for more tangible blessings.
Didn't a God owe them that? Just a quick one for free? It would be so easy for a God after all.
Why was he just fooling around?
And now when God was just some guy on the street,
it was decided that he also owed the converts a really good explanation for all the suffering and neglect,
even though they had been fine with nothing much before.
So the guy said:
Fine. I was asleep, okay? Here's some recompense: everyone is now 29% happier. Happy now?
This got some comments:
Huh? What? Why did everyone get to be happy? Why did the former atheists get to be happy too? That's not fair!
Shut up you idiots! The real question should be: why only 29%? Why not infinitely happy, forever? And what about all the dead, and not yet born? Everyone from every timeline? Why not make a singularity, abstract and happily buzzing in hyper-optimised monotone somewhere out in space?
The God guy thought for a while,
and erased everything. Wasn't nothing kind of the same? At least in terms of complaints.
But eventually he got bored with nothing and made a planet with weird shrimps and big dumb lizards, and watched them change as eons passed.
Hah- nice, one with horns!
Then he got a little tired and fell asleep.
CHAPTER 0.5.
The hot burrito found itself adrift in a special space and brimming with power. But it had been disposed of, abandoned by its two makers—the chef and the microwave guy. Now it was all alone in the void. No- wait, that wasn't right—not too far away was a heavy rock. It was probably so heavy that no one could move it.
—"What's up?" the hot burrito asked the heavy rock.
—"Nothing much, I've been here a while. I can't really do much. I'm just a rock."
The hot burrito fell silent for a while.
—"Hmm, well, now that I'm here, don't we have all we need to get this universe going? I have the energy—you have the matter."
—"Oh, that's a good idea."
As they touched, their immense powers tore at the space, and they spoke in unison.
—"Let there be-"
Their mutual annihilation gave birth to nine mindbogglingly immense suns which divided into nine, nine times—each one a terrible entity, and still mindbogglingly immense even after all the dividing.
Some of the suns shrouded themselves in luminous gas, condensing clusters of enormous planets. Others created their own pocket universes and who knows what—perhaps they were shy.
Despite all this activity the new universe still overflowed with excess energy. Gradually creatures appeared on the many worlds. They learned how to make use of this energy and grew in power, some becoming massive void traversing dragons—insignificant in face of the stars but deities by any other measure.
After hundreds of millions of years the energies had thinned out and congealed in various forms. Smaller humanoids and beasts had become the dominant type of life, counting by numbers. These beings too learned how to make use of the energies, but to a much lesser extent. Mighty empires and sects rose and fell as another hundred million years passed...
CHAPTER 1.
She woke up under thin silky sheets, but found that her head rested on something hard and cool, so she sat right up, turning to look. It was an elaborate cradle carved out of strange blue stone. Weren't pillows supposed to be soft and warm? When reaching out to touch it, she froze mid movement. She saw a hand, delicate and frail, with pale skin, smooth as jade. Huh? Who was she? Her mind was a mess.
Ah, that's right—she was Gu Magog, daughter of emperor Bze Magog, and she was the always polite and timid fifth princess of the Ghuoza Domain. When she was young she had been well liked by both the inner court and the imperial citizens. As she grew older she became very aware of her slightly too wide mouth which hid rows of rather sharp looking white teeth, so she rarely smiled unless she could hide it behind a fan or sleeve. Her were eyes a little slanted, with large dark pupils. Other than that she was a typical looking young "aristocrat fairy" when styled up with makeup, elaborate ornaments for her inky black hair. She also had no shortage of fancy clothes to draw gazes and envy, and never needed a girdle for her waist. But what truly made her stand out was the fact that she had been blessed from birth by a high grade spirit root, as well as a rare body constitution which made her exceptionally resilient. Her future had briefly looked very bright.
However, three years ago when she was 11, her father was ambushed and killed while coming to defend a border territory that was under attack by the neighbouring Kingdom of Truzhuk Donpu. In the end the territory was lost. While many local villages no doubt had been made to suffer greatly under the invaders, the biggest blow to the empire was the loss of a newly discovered spirit stone vein in the region. Gu had learned too late that the ambush was in fact part of a plot by traitors to depose her father and seize the throne. Behind it was her father's brother Yub Magog who had secretly made a shortsighted and naïve deal with the enemy, sacrificing the disputed territory in return for future support.
This treacherous uncle had then moved Gu's mother into the cold palace where she died soon after.
Out of Gu's many sisters and brothers, some had been married off in distant lands and some had died from natural or unnatural causes. Gu, being the one with the most prominent talent, had long been officially proclaimed as being directly in line for the throne when she came of age, which was a problem for the scheming usurpers of the inner court
It had taken them three full years to weaken Gu to her current state. Her life had been made increasingly miserable by a steady stream of contingency plots involving bandits on the road, thieves in the night, as well as constant poisoning attempts and attacks on her reputation. It was because of the eventual success of the latter two methods that everyone now saw her as a good for nothing trash. Consequently, the inner court could now easily dictate who she should marry, and so she had been promised to a rather vile local nobleman who apparently made short work of his wives and concubines.
Meanwhile the empire's other neighbours saw the weakness of the Ghouza Domain and began testing the borders. Of course, support never came from the ill-gotten ally. And just like that, Gu was a dying princess of a dying empire.
But unexpectedly Gu's sickness and near-death experience had made a set of memories from a past and distant life surface, warping her personality. She had once been Barrel, a ruthless mercenary and enforcer working for the infamous Mo-Murdina cartel—though she also actually did a little helping out in a food stand. As she sat there in bed with all of this swimming in her mind, she heard a Ding! and then a robotic voice.
—"Welcome to the crap system. Due to your mediocre karma, all you get is crap. DING! Your transmigrator revelation welcome gift is... -drumroll- a shoddy hairpin. Have a nice day!"
This made Gu very confused. What was a system? She didn't know, but whatever kind of entity it was, it had just dropped a long hairpin made out of turned wood onto her lap. She felt an urge to try it out just to see if it had a magical effect- no, that wasn't the right term. Here it would be a "spiritual tool" if anything. Looking at the hairpin more closely she could see that the direction of the wood grain wasn't aligned and went off at an angle. The hairpin had already precariously cracked in a way which would likely catch and pinch hair if inserted into a hair bun. As if compelled she flexed the hairpin just slightly. It immediately snapped along the grain, turning it into two sharp pieces. Strangely though, the wood itself seemed exceptionally hard as her thumbnail couldn't even dent it. Hmm. Thinking about it, in this dangerous world not just humans had cultivation super powers, but also animals and plants, so a resilient tree wasn't actually all that strange.
Occupied as she was acclimatising, she failed to notice that someone had entered her courtyard and quarters uninvited.
—"Poor girl, I fear the fever might have finally claimed her. If not... it won't be long now. Undertaker Bangzu, I apologise for troubling you to come here to confirm- oh."
Frowning, Gu gathered the sheets around her and scrutinised the two intruders that had just stepped in through her door. It was her aunt and an unknown man. How had they gotten past her maid? Oh, that's right, her maid had been driven off by someone weeks ago. Unable to take care of herself, Gu had been put at death's door.
It was this wily aunt that seemed to be the chief instigator behind all the trouble that had befallen Gu. Reka was her name, Reka Magog. She was a middle-aged woman with unpleasant wrinkly lips. She was the type of person who would show up everywhere in a gaudy peacock robe, regardless of the situation, no matter how inappropriate. Currently she was wearing one with motifs of happy dancing couples, though one of the couples were black and white permanence—two death gods of sorts.
Upon seeing the figure sitting upright on the bed, Reka's face flashed with shock and displeasure before shifting into an awkward smile. Then Reka seemingly thought of something which made her unable to disguise a blooming malicious smirk.
—"Well, what a pleasant surprise to see that miss Gu is well again. It seems we won't be needing your services... today, undertaker Bangzu. I think miss Gu's fiancé will be very happy to hear about her recovery. Looks like the marriage can proceed—what a relief!"
She clapped her hands together in excitement. It was likely the joy of seeing a contingency plan fall neatly into place.
When Gu coughed and beckoned, Reka put on a show of looking concerned. Imitating Gu's polite lamentations always brought out a laugh when Reka met with her friends, so she moved in, expecting to hear something good. What she did not expect was getting a sharp hairpin driven up from below her jaw, through her skull and into her brain. While Reka did have a bit of cultivation that could have protected her, her talent lied mostly in politics and underhanded scheming, and the new Gu's ruthless attack had caught her completely off-guard. With Barrel's personality integrated, Gu of course wasn't much for politeness, politics and court play, so she chose this direct solution. It was better to nip these sort of troublesome characters in the bud early on, wasn't it?
Still wrapped in the sheets, Gu rose and ambled over to a dressing screen, quickly putting on a plain robe—the complicated set of motions immediately familiar. On the other side stood a man, stunned frozen.
—"Undertaker Bangzu was it? I'm afraid I must trouble you—your services will be needed today after all." Gu said, emerging dressed from behind the screen and casually motioning to the body bleeding out on the floor.
Hearing a blood choked gurgle, she added "Well, it won't be long, right?"
Gu's eyes narrowed dangerously in warning when she saw the undertaker take a step back from her. She could sense no spiritual energy in him, so he wasn't a threat, but it wouldn't be good if he ran out screaming for all to hear.
—"What... did you see here today, undertaker Bangzu?", Gu prompted.
—"She- she- she tripped and fell!", he stuttered.
—"That's right. Even just walking around normally can be dangerous, can't it, undertaker Bangzu? You can trip and fall, just like that." she said, nodding meaningfully at Reka where she laid drawing her final breath.
—"To think such a thing could happen when I wasn't even here. Truly a freak accident."
Gu awkwardly monkey-scratched her head and realised that her long black hair was loose, so she walked over to a box with hairpins and deftly tied her hair back up. The box, once filled with expensive hair pins and other ornaments had already been partly plundered of valuables by Reka, so Gu just threw it into the pool of blood, scattering its remaining contents.
—"Oops. What a clumsy thief."
Then she wrote a note saying that she felt better and had gone to the library early in the morning. She exited her desolate courtyard, bringing only her few remaining valuables with her, fully prepared to never return. Bangzu was left standing there holding his head. On Earth one of Barrel's minions had been an undertaker so Gu had thoughtlessly relegated the cleanup to Bangzu out of habit.
In her current state it was best to stay low as this world was very different from Earth. Here an immortal super-being could show up and kill her with a wave of a finger. Fortunately immortals were incredibly rare.
Only people born with a spiritual root could cultivate and develop their powers towards immortality. Not even one in ten thousand people had a spiritual root, and even then most never got a chance to cultivate due to lacking just one of four things: a safe environment, information, wealth, and time. Not even Gu's position in the royal court had been sufficient.
To attain safety she needed to kill her enemies; To kill her enemies she needed to be strong; To cure her poison and return her strength she needed information. But her purse was light and her time short, so off to the imperial library she quickly strode with determined steps, now having shed her indecisive and awkward personality. The awakening had also filled her body with a fresh supply of energy. However, feeling that it might only be temporary she didn't dare to dillydally.
When it came to information such as cultivation techniques, those were jealously guarded by eccentrics and cultivation sects. Even as an imperial princess, she had only been able to study the most basic techniques. It wasn't uncommon seeing rulers of countries humble themselves in front of vagrant cultivators with true power, hoping to pick up some crumbs.
result, not the process
The old adage "the reader does not steal; the thief does not read" did not apply in this world so the imperial library was guarded by a protective formation. Normally one needed to be accompanied by an escort to set foot inside. However, as a princess Gu had a special royal token allowing entry.
In the antechamber Gu saw a dusty old man slumped over an even older edge-worn desk. What was this librarian's name again?
—"Tío...uh, Uncle Whinzee?", she tried, remembering that here older people were also often called uncles even if not related by blood.
The old man looked up and squinted at her for a long time before speaking, perhaps having mutual trouble finding her name.
—"Fifth princess, is it?" he settled on.
—"Yes, it's fifth princess Gu. I've been in the library for hours, haven't you seen me?"
—"Is that so?" he asked, but more to himself.
—"Yes. I've been searching for inner library books on remedies and poisons but can't find the ones I'm looking for. Perhaps someone has borrowed them recently?"
The old man hummed, stared at nothing for a bit, then bent down behind the desk very very slowly. After a while he started to come back up, his gnarly hand barely holding onto a ledger. With her mounting impatience disguised as courtesy, Gu quickly helped him, snatching the ledger in the process.
—"Ah, say uncle Whinzee, isn't your eyesight getting bad? I'll just take a look for myself." Gu insisted and began to browse the ledger unbidden.
It wasn't a very thick ledger as the inner library had a mere 60 books and only a few people were authorised to borrow them. Reka's signature didn't appear anywhere, but a count Zylux Pip had borrowed and quickly returned a copy of an old book on foreign beasts, plants and poisons a few years back. No other books on poisons had been touched in the last three years. Gu wagered that her assailant had come here since poisons that could harm resilient cultivators like Gu were not ordinary. She casually returned the ledger to the old man.
—"Found it! Thanks uncle Whinzee, you're the best, keep up the good work. I'll return to the books now."
However, just as she reached the inner library she felt an all too familiar pang of pain in her heart meridian and she staggered, knees buckling. She had to lay on the floor with her legs up a wall, hoping that no one saw her. When she was right on the edge of losing consciousness, a loud DING from the crap system startled her awake. This time there was no gift, but perhaps the system was actually trying to be helpful. Once the episode had passed she got up and stumbled onward.
The inner library was fortunately empty. It consisted of a small room with a single long shelf, with ornate books seated prominently on elaborate handcrafted stands. The old and damaged ones were behind glass, with more recent copies being left out for browsing. This was the case with the book she was after: "Expedition to the Far East - beasts, plants and treacherous poison!". It was eight hundred pages thick. Picking the heavy thing up, she just let it fall open a few times.
*picture of an alluring woman*
*picture of an alluring woman*
"Exotic bugs and beasts of the hidden mountains."
*picture of an alluring woman*
Huh? Someone sure had been gawking at that page spread in particular. The picture showed what was supposedly a powerful female cultivator the expedition ran into on their journey. Gu tried to instead let the book fall open further back.
"Edible mushroom creatures?"
"Travel log 62: Five dead from dysentery."
"Travel log 98: Strange sightings of flying men."
"Travel log 130: Expedition leader poisoned."
"Travel log 130: Expedition leader poisoned."
Curious, Gu read the page spread. Long story short, towards the end of their journey, the expedition leader had unwisely chosen to sample a few of the rare herbs the team had collected and brought back for the imperial gardens. Soon after she complained about chest pains. A year after the expedition returned, she nearly died from a burst heart meridian but fortunately found a-
Found a what? The symptoms mentioned matched Gu's pretty well. Her eyes narrowed as she continued searching the text for a remedy, but there was nothing. In fact, there was too much nothing—wasn't a page missing? Dammit. Gu clutched at her chest, feeling the throbbing pain returning.
Sneaking glances left and right and still seeing no one, she lifted the glass off the original book and carefully flipped to the right page. She wasn't worried about the value of the book, or the possibility of an alarm, just about inadvertently destroying the vital missing page with the rest of the story.
Like much of the book, the page was in tatters, and more-so after she was done reading it. But she was very excited—the cure didn't involve any rare herbs. In fact, it didn't require any medicine at all and the solution was right here under the palace grounds.
With her time about to run out, she hurried out, past the sleeping Whinzee. Quite a few maidservants currently on break took notice of her unsteady flight out of the library, but this was somewhat good, hadn't she been in the library all day?
Vision blurring, she bumbled through corridors.
CHAPTER 2.
She came to in the palace ice cellar, half-sunken into a large block of ice. However, the cold did not affect her because she had now returned to the fifth stage of the foundation building realm. The nasty poison, apparently vulnerable to a simple if prolonged deep chill, had been purged from her heart meridian and presently she could now feel the spiritual energy circulating unhindered in her entire body, providing warmth, rejuvenation and strength. Given a week of recovery, perhaps only the current emperor would be a threat to her. Like most of the top mortal cultivators he was stuck at the sixth stage threshold and might remain so for the rest of his life. That rest was something Gu planned to cut short, starting with the feet, but first she went to find some dry clothes.
She found a simple robe in a servant quarter, but upon exiting the room she bumped into a column of guards packed in the corridor. Her eyes narrowed seeing the man leading the group. It was emperor Yub Magog himself—and he immediately pointed angrily at her.
—"You!"
Huh? Had she been caught? Had undertaker Bangzu ratted her out so quickly?
She studied the group. These royal guards weren't really a threat to her now. Only the captains had any cultivation and the rest were ordinary men. While Gu was just a small 14 year old girl, she was still an order of magnitude stronger than she had been back on earth as a six and a half foot tank, and now she had two lives worth of combat techniques to rely on.
But she was still in trouble. They had the numbers, and the emperor who was a stage higher than her. Unfortunately she was quite sure that the corridor behind her ended in a supply closet—a dead end. As she stood there frozen but ready to somehow dart away, she heard something that made her eye twitch.
—"DING! It's time for the periodic system gift. You get a rotten bug."
Something appeared in her hand. It was a dead centipede, pale white and the size of a pinky. It was covered with the type of gunk you'd find gathering at the corners of windows, like spiderweb and dots of earwig poo. Gu frowned. A magical sword or an escape talisman would have been nice. What could she possibly do with a rotten old centipede?
—"Did. You. Kill. My. Sister? Answer me!" the emperor said through gnashed teeth after having failed to read her at all.
Seeing the emperor rage and reach for his opulent war hammer, Gu knew she had to deal with him quickly.
—"Huh? Why so upset? Did you two have an affair, you old fart?" Gu taunted.
Enraged further, the emperor opened his mouth, but whatever expletive was about to come out was cut short, because Gu had deftly thrown the nasty dead centipede right into his mouth, choking him.
When he dropped his war hammer in reaching for his throat, she darted forth, snatching it. The emperor tried to back away, but collided with the throng of guards packing the narrow corridor.
She swung the war hammer in a circular underhanded arc which ended at the emperor's groin. DONG! He flew up into the roof, which was sadly made from wood softer than his head and shoulders. Still, he was out. Hah! She laughed loudly at the sight of the body hanging there, feet twitching. A few of the guards panicked and they fell back in a bunch. Hearing a sword drop, she quickly grabbed it and took the opportunity to shorten the emperor's stature, taking care to avoid the spray from the flailing stumps.
But just as she thought things were going well, a handsome man she didn't recognise stepped into the corridor and the disorganised guards parted along the sides in fear. He was wearing the robe of a sect and Gu could immediately tell from his aura pressure that he was incredibly dangerous.
She acted quickly, stepping in behind cover—the emperor's body—then yanked off a talisman satchel hanging at the waist. The emperor must surely have some means of escaping dangerous situations, and indeed, she immediately found an extremely rare and expensive escape talisman in the satchel. However, just as she prepared to activate it, the dangerous man sneered, pointed his finger at the paper talisman, and just like that it went up in flames.
Gu had no time to fret and instead pulled the emperor's body out of the roof and kicked it down the corridor at the man as a distraction. He easily sidestepped, seemingly not caring much about the emperor's condition, but when his eyes returned to the spot Gu had been, the corridor was empty, save for the hole in the roof...
Gu was happy she was dainty—Barrel would not have been able to hop up through that hole for sure. But she knew that her escape was only temporary. She had two seconds at most, which she spent activating another talisman.
The banishing talisman, as its name implied, was used for getting rid of people. Unlike the escape talisman, this one's job was only to move its target out of the way, preferably to somewhere dangerous. For a less powerful banishing talisman this somewhere else could be relatively nearby, likely deep underground, out on an ocean, or high up in the air. Dangerous as that sounds, it wouldn't really stop a cultivator. Gu had however used a high grade talisman. Those would put the target into a different space altogether—whatever was nearby as far as wibbly wobbly space was concerned, such as the dangerous sealed world Gu suddenly found herself in.
CHAPTER 3.
Secret worlds were not other planets as Barrel might have thought, but hidden parallel spaces limited in scope, linked in some way to the real world via a portal or an item. As far as Gu knew they were created by powerful cultivators and used as training grounds, as traps, for storage, for relaxation or meditation, or as burial grounds with an inheritance that's released to a worthy visitor via some elaborate mechanism or by a remnant spirit. There was no way to tell how many of these secret worlds existed, forgotten or neglected, and Gu had no real way of telling what kind of space she was in. However, she figured a banishing talisman likely wouldn't be generous to its target.
Gu thought it most likely that she had ended up in an abandoned secret world that wasn't too difficult to get into, but had turned dangerous. Acting accordingly, she immediately started looking for shelter. As a fifth stage cultivator she didn't need a lot of food, but it would be helpful for her recuperation. Before she could even take a step she saw something that made her freeze in wonder—a Pripple-stippled Peach tree. Gu had once seen these miraculous trees depicted in a book, but the empire had never gotten their hands on a specimen. Even if they had, the tree only produced spirit fruit once per century. It was perhaps only something one could find in a big sect. Immortals were long lived and willing to wait. If sold to an auction house, a tree or fruit would fetch a sky high price, but if kept for consumption, it would be invaluable.
There was an interesting legend involving one of these peaches.
People in the Ghouza Domain were not well informed about the surrounding world, but according to this old legend, a group of powerful cultivators once made a bet that if a mortal without any cultivation started walking as a child, they would just about be able to journey around the world within one lifetime. So the cultivators built a road around the world using their immense powers to raise land, tunnel through mountains and drive off dangerous beasts. Eventually a man was able to complete the journey, arriving back in his hometown at the age of 89. He was gifted a Pripplestipple Peach as a reward and ascended to immortality.
Scholars have argued about the validity of the story, but stone posts, stretches of road mounds and well aligned tunnels dating back some 23000 years have supposedly been found in distant lands.
According to another legend, wild Pripple-stippled Peach trees were often jealously guarded by some beast, but it didn't look like that was the case here. Perhaps it had bloomed not long ago and was abandoned, or this space wasn't as dangerous as she had thought.
When she looked around, she saw that she was in a small valley surrounded by steep rounded mountain peaks covered by greenery. With her excellent eyesight she spotted an unnatural cave carved into a peak, as if overlooking the valley. It was covered by a ragged net. Were there people here?
As she stood there a bit lost in thought, something stung her arm. It was an oversized bug that looked like an unholy lovechild of a dragonfly and a scorpion. She immediately felt dizzy. If she didn't have her resilient body constitution she would likely already be dead. She would certainly be dead if she didn't run though, as more of the creatures came swarming—the buzzing of their shimmering wings nearly inaudible. In contrast she swore loudly like only Barrel could, but the string of exotic expletives proved useless in repelling the encircling bugs.
Should she find a lake and jump in? Dig a hole? No, that would probably be even more dangerous. So she rushed for the cave. Maybe the people here were friendly?
The bugs followed her as she darted around, like obnoxious wasps at a birthday party after having discovered the soda. Gu was so angry. As Barrel her 9th birthday party had indeed been ruined by wasps. Another kid had deliberately set them lose and she had found out 20 years later. Incidentally, that guy now rested in a barrel at the bottom of a lake.
When Gu reached the cave she saw that the net was old and rotted, and she wasn't sure if the place being abandoned was a good or bad thing. Some assistance would be nice—the little buggers were very nimble and her dizziness was getting worse, and she got stung again trying to hit a bug with the sword she had kept.
Stumbling into the cave, she saw a mummified corpse sitting in a lotus position on a rug, and next to it a dilapidated table and a few iron storage chests filled with tattered cloth. She heaved the rags out of a large chest and squeezed in, slamming the lid shut. Some slurred swear words could be heard coming from inside the chest before the occupant lost consciousness.
Two days later she climbed out, having since long woken up but staying put listening for any suspicious sounds, filled as she was with mounting paranoia. Was that a buzz she heard, or was her own brain just making sounds up? Fortunately, the bugs were actually gone, but now she needed food badly.
A beam of dim daylight streamed in from the roof, it's ambience barely illuminating the cave. It looked like the corpse guy had set up a system with reflective copper mirrors, but those had since long been covered by oxidation, dirt and cobweb. Everything in the cave seemed wrought with rot so she'd have to forage for food outside. Reluctant to tussle with the bugs again, she searched the cave for anything that could be of use, and she found a carefully protected book in a chest. It was a rather lengthy diary. She guessed the guy must have been bored—and indeed, this was the case.
She sat next to the dry corpse, turning pages as the light swept across the only two bodies in the cave. The dead man had been a rogue cultivator named Jinn who got banished here, though it was hard to tell just how long ago as Gu had no point of reference—it could have been centuries.
Jinn was a sixth stage core establishment cultivator, also known as a low immortal. A cultivator like Gu was still in the foundation building realm, one full cultivation realm below Jinn. Reaching the core establishment realm was the nearly unattainable goal of every mortal cultivator—if they didn't get stuck on the third stage they'd get stuck at the sixth, and if not the sixth, the ninth.
Unfortunately for Gu it seemed not even a core establishment cultivator was able to break out of this secret world. Jinn had believed that only someone of the spirit sea condensation realm could do it, but he had not managed to reach even halfway, despite his 150 years of diligent cultivation trapped in this space. In fact, he got stuck at the threshold of the sixth stage for 80 years, unable to decipher some obscure and broken cultivation technique. It has to be said that even though cultivators have greatly prolonged lifespans, some have to spend the majority of it cultivating in a race against time and might ultimately end up with less free time than a fortunate mortal nobleman. So it was with Jinn. Eventually he reached the end of his lifespan, turning into a corpse. He left this diary and a storage ring behind to help the next person.
Digesting the sad story, Gu patted the corpse's head, causing the hitherto balanced skull to come tumbling off. She got up to chase it, but the cave floor ahead had a bit of an angle to it and the skull rolled away, disappearing out of the cave making the type of hollow clatter only a human skull can. Gu hoped Jinn didn't mind and the bugs didn't notice.
She carefully approached the cave opening and peeked out, ready to jump back into that iron chest at the first buzz of trouble. Looking outside, she could see remnants of some plantations on the slope—it seemed like Jinn had been growing vegetables or herbs. Someone of the core establishment realm didn't need to eat, but anything which could help with cultivation was naturally eagerly consumed. Food from the mortal cities was avoided as it contained impurities stemming from smog, garbage and even bad vibes. This was partly why sects distanced themselves from the mortal world, instead building lofty abodes high up on mountain slopes and peaks. Few in number and never hungry they didn't need large agricultural systems, just small plantations of herbs and whatnot.
Gu however was now really hungry.
She stepped out and tugged on something that looked like a white carrot. When it came out of the ground she heard it scream. It screamed when her sharp teeth sunk into it too, but her stomach growled and howled down all apprehension.
She felt much better after eating the whole thing—whatever it was. There were other salad-like things to eat as well. Neither of her could recognise any of the stuff. She might have been eating weeds, or poisonous plants, but with her body constitution she wasn't too worried. No flying bugs appeared during her buffet—perhaps they were guarding the tree—but she still withdrew back into the cave.
Over the next few days she had explored the area pretty well and cleaned up the cave a bit. She put Jinn- well, what was left—she never found the head—into a coffer and buried it outside. She polished up the daylight mirrors, repaired the bug net, and cleaned up a few dusty trinkets—one of them turning out to be an incredibly valuable storage ring with a five meter cubed storage capacity. Not even the emperor had one of these. Even more interesting was a stack of bamboo slips she found inside, seemingly detailing a high grade cultivation technique. Despite being incomplete it made Gu's basic grade Qi breathing technique seem like a joke. Had it been complete it would have been sky grade—a whole magnitude stronger. Gu had never even heard of the sky grade before. According to Jinn's notes, above the sky grade there was yet another rank—celestial. How far did it go?
When Gu was studying techniques in the imperial library she only ever came across the common basic techniques and a handful of low grade ones simply known as "graded", which sounded quite impressive at the time. In actuality, those techniques were often too esoteric for use, which was probably why they had remained available at all. There was a combat technique where one put spinning plates on sticks and somehow whirled them until they reached dangerous speeds. No one practiced this difficult technique. Then there was the grisly brainless cultivation technique which required the user to get rid of a sizeable portion of the brain, of course leaving them rather dumb. Though this negated the gains of an improved cultivation speed, the technique was actually tried by a few people who were already dumb. According to legend, one person became a low immortal this way and was long kept locked up deep under the imperial palace. As a child Gu spent quite a bit of time exploring the palace dungeons looking for this mysterious person until she realised she had been tricked, and feeling that she was indeed the dumb one down there.
The storage ring didn't contain anything else that was valuable, just a jumble of empty crates and wine barrels. The barrels did make the Barrel part of Gu a little happy though. They were made out of the highly durable wood and probably once contained wine. She found no weapons, clothes or consumables. 150 years is a long time and there were naturally no shops, smithies or clothiers around here. Jinn probably ran out of supplies and finally destroyed what was private and incriminating.
With the food and shelter situation mostly sorted, she decided to attempt using the new cultivation technique. The spirit energy—Qi—in this space was only so-so according to Jinn's notes, but it felt quite potent to Gu. However, to her horror she discovered that the technique was more incomplete than Jinn had let on. There was a whole segment left blank, rendering the technique utterly useless. Then she found that Jinn had left a footnote and she cursed his corpse. After being unable to complete the technique, he had erased his contribution, feeling that after all it was a dead end and a fresh mind could do better.
She stared at the neutered cultivation technique and sighed like a eunuch in a whorehouse.
Gu was a complete amateur in comparison to Jinn—truly a frog at the bottom of a well, and what had Barrel known about cultivation? To sit cross-legged and say Ohm?
But what could she do? After spending a week looking at the technique, she felt just like Barrel did when she got a home computer without a manual, and it just sat there blinking at the blue prompt. Ready to toss in the towel, Gu finally tried just going Ohm at the blank section. As she did so she was surprisingly able to smoothly proceed to the next part of the technique, eventually completing a full circulation. However, when she reached the second circulation the technique crashed. She experimented for weeks with the timings and discovered that timing the circulation to 108 seconds seemed to give the best result, and it mattered how she Ohmed too—it wasn't the kind of Ohm one could describe in writing, but one reverberating in the entire self. No wonder Jinn had been stuck—the Ohm was like a password. She hadn't heard of a cultivation technique not done in silence. If this sky grade technique was widely spread, wouldn't a lot of neighbours have a very bad time?
Soon weeks turned into months, and months into years. 800 Ohms a day, 292000 Ohms a year. Cultivators experienced time differently—a single second of combat could feel like thirty while thirty years of cultivation could feel like one.
Every now and then she ate her vegetables and checked in on the Pripple-stippled Peach tree, but it never bloomed or bore fruit. Thus, years turned into decades—and just like that, 72 years had passed in a blur.
Gu appeared a little ragged at this point, with long black hair making her look like something out of a horror movie, but she felt great as she had actually reached the ninth stage of the spirit sea condensation realm. The reason why she stopped was that she had finally bumped into a steep cultivation threshold two months back, but it was also because the Pripple-stippled Peach tree had bloomed and was now bearing small fruits.
The little poisonous bugs she could have gotten rid of decades back, but she kept them around as they kept other stuff away. When the fruits were finally ripe—eight in total—she swooshed in looking like a ghostly black tassel and plucked them all, leaving the bugs dumbfounded.
With her current cultivation she could walk on air by just expending some energy, so she just hopped away over the tree tops, not bothering with the furious bugs since she was in a good mood. Had she been her 72 years ago, she would surely have whacked them for chasing her into that iron chest. She would have to do it with a stick though as the simple sword she had snatched from a guard was now rusted and pitted from neglect. To someone of her level of cultivation a mortal's sword was next to useless regardless of condition, unless she enhanced it with a technique, but at that point a stick or even a finger would work just as well.
Strangely she hadn't heard anything from the system since coming here. Maybe it only intervened when she was really in trouble?
She found Jinn's head after ten years of halfhearted searching. It had somehow lodged itself in a tree quite aways from the cave. She buried it next to the body. According to Jinn's notes, to exit the space one had to sort of space-walk out. Since she could now walk in the air she started looking, imagining that the exit was like a door up in the air, but she only ended up meandering and exhausting herself. She tried grid patterns and everything.
Something was very strange about the secret world—it actually wrapped around on itself and was only some ten square kilometres big. While such a world couldn't have a centre, she got the feeling that she had entered it in a location off to the side, because she had discovered the main attraction—a pool some 100 meters across containing a mysterious clear green liquid. She stupidly tested the liquid by rubbing a little on the back of her hand, and immediately regretted it upon feeling a very unpleasant burning sensation. However, it also seemed like the substance had some medicinal effect, as if it was a corrupted healing fluid.
Perhaps it was so, because when she cleared out the surrounding overgrowth she discovered several sections of finely carved stone seats encircling the pool. Was this a contaminated spirit-spa?
She nevertheless filled up the barrels with some of the strange liquid in case the poison could later be separated out or neutralised. Then she sat on a stone bench, parted her long black hair, and took a bite out of one of the peaches. She thought it was "pretty good" until her meridians began to buzz. Huh? What was happening? She was breaking through to the next realm just like that? Wasn't she stuck?
She didn't have time to ponder and just ceased the opportunity, doing what felt natural, She gathered her entire spirit sea into a point, pinching it an inverting it along every axis. Just when it flipped and formed her inner space, a hole in the sky opened up and an angry red lightning bolt shot through. It hit the large pool, almost completely vaporising it, sending up a cloud of nasty mist. That was one heck of a lightning strike. For a moment she thought she could see something in the mist over where the pool had been, but she was again distracted. The surprises really didn't stop coming—Gu heard a DING and a robotic voice she had almost forgotten.
—"Today's forecast is thunderstorms. It's time for the system gift: a sort-of-okay umbrella."
An average looking pink wax-paper umbrella dropped onto the ground in front of her. But wait- did the crap system just hand out something sort-of-okay? Hum—hadn't the system once mentioned something about karma? Could it be that her karma had improved now that she hadn't killed anyone for so long? Well, she had no time to be confused—another lightning strike hit, turning a nearby bench section into stone dust and gravel. Were the strikes drawing closer? She picked up the umbrella and ran, ignoring something inside her that said umbrellas in a thunderstorm are a bad idea. She decided to unfurl it anyways. Just as she did so, lightning hit it. She felt the shock and her feet sunk into the ground. Then the next strike came, and the next. There were nine total. When it was over, she sat in a deep crater looking very disheveled, her long hair frizzled and burnt in places, lightly dancing in the remnant spiritual static. The sort-of-okay umbrella had somehow held up. What kind of standards did the system have? The sudden lightning strikes were terrifying!
When she looked inward she found that she had successfully built an inner space. But what was it for? Storage? It felt a bit risky to store stuff inside of herself. Thinking about it, she hadn't even used her core or spirit sea for anything aside from treating them as Qi batteries. Over the course of her isolation, she had gone from the foundation building realm to the core establishment realm, then to the spirit sea condensation realm, but now... well, she didn't even know what this realm was called, only that it was related to the sky. Mortals only knew so much, though technically she was surely an immortal now—or even a... sky immortal? However, she knew of no good techniques other than her unnamed sky grade cultivation method, so she wasn't much to write home about.
Thinking about home, hadn't she seen something in the mist over the pool? A mirage?
She stepped into the air above the devastated pool where she had seen the mirage, and just like that she appeared over an unfamiliar but rather mundane forest. Hah, so it really was just an invisible door up in the air? Looking down she saw some old ruins—just overgrown mounds really. Perhaps this place was once a sort of waypoint?
She found that she was able to step back and forth through the door, but when she caught a bird and threw it at the invisible door, it was as if it wasn't even there, so it appeared her air-walk steps had something to do with how it worked. Her steps in the air were in fact a little strange—each step was as if she took several, and if she focused the steps became even longer. After playing around with it for a good while she was able to take 40 step steps, making her quite fast, though a bit exhausted. Maybe she wasn't doing it quite right. She felt like a savage who had just discovered an 18-gear bicycle but just awkwardly walked it swinging the legs while sitting on the saddle. Surely someone else must have documented this air-walking stuff—written a technique? Should she join a sect and do some probing?
Ah, she nearly forgot something—wasn't she a princess in line for a throne?
CHAPTER 4.
After taking advantage of her elevated perspective to orient herself in the terrain, she realized that she was only 100 kilometres away from the capital and the imperial palace. At her speed that was just a thirty minute walk, taking the bird route.
However, she ran low on energy after just ten kilometres and switched to speeding along the ground instead, drawing a line of dust along the terrain, scaring wild beasts, and later the people and animals on the imperial roads. She could quite leisurely keep a pace of 120 kilometres per hour when running, and that was without a movement technique.
Soon she drew close to the capital and she could see the rise of the central mound and the boastful silhouettes of the imperial palace buildings. There were a few she didn't recognise—and some which were missing. Overall though, the central capital looked more opulent than she remembered, and the rest of the city looked much poorer, as if the slums with its blackened buildings had moved inward to swallow the middle districts.
Gu took the bird route to the palace, as the street layout was quite the maze and busy with some rather wretched looking and desperate people. Seeing what the capital had been reduced to made her sad, then angry. There were groups of masked soldiers here and there, keeping people in check or directly harassing them. On the wall of the imperial district hung rows of mutilated corpses, seemingly in grotesque advertisement against disobedience.
She dropped down onto the oversized and portentous stairs leading up to the imperial palace, barely noticing that she had scattered court officials and guards in a panic, busy gathering her thoughts as she were. Was the Magog bloodline still in power? Sure, her uncle was awful, but the present atmosphere in the capital seemed much more intentionally malicious. She wondered how she would be received by these people, returning as the throne's rightful owner. In truth, Gu never had any ambitions to rule; no designs on the imperial seat. Even if she had, the mortal world and its ambitions now seemed small and distant. Regardless though, the current management needed replacing, and the Barrel part of her felt like her turf had been violated. And the cultivator part of her just wanted to raid the technique library. She felt some determination growing, straightened her back, and took a step forward. Hadn't she survived terrible odds? Wasn't she a sky realm cultivator now?
So she strode up the 999 steps with the posture of a cold queen returning from victory. Well, that what was she saw—what others saw was a black haired monster ominously sliding forth, repelling every living thing within a 100 meter radius or throwing throwing them stunned to the ground. Even mortals elsewhere in the city felt a deep chill in their bones.
Gu wasn't yet aware of her aura as a sky realm cultivator. Had she actively pressured someone then they would simply have died on the spot bleeding from all seven orifices.
She arrived at the top of the stairs and entered the central palace unhindered. Flanking the sides of the opulent throne room stood abandoned rows of small and low dining tables—the dishes hastily abandoned and fancy pillow seats empty and askew.
On the throne ahead sat an unfamiliar fat and very nervous looking man, apparently having mustered the courage to greet her. But upon opening his mouth he just stuttered for a while and then fainted, his elaborate head ornament clattering to the floor.
She frowned behind the long black hair. What should she do now? She felt rather awkward standing there alone, so she pulled the hair aside and touched her nose, puffing out some air, feeling that she had nothing to do with this strange atmosphere. It was then that she realised that she was quite unkempt with her hair shroud and tattered old rags.
Seeing a fine silver mirror at the side she approached it with some apprehension.
Oh. Yeah, that wasn't a good look.
So she drew the curtains of hair aside and took a look, not quite knowing what to expect. Following her poisoning at 11 or 12 she had grown increasingly thin and her skin turned spotty and yellow, and then she escaped to the primitive secret world, so she had never seen her natural face as a young or adult woman. The makeshift mirrors in the secret world had been too wobbly and dull to be useful, and she had been too alone and immersed in cultivation to care about appearances. Aging female cultivators would pay high prices at auctions for beauty and youth pills concocted by skilled alchemists, but Gu had been cut off from the regular world for seven decades and lived off mysterious vegetables.
So she half expected to see a weatherworn thirty-fourty something in the mirror. However, what she saw was a young woman with a beautiful and serene face, slightly almond shaped and... alien? Her ears and chin had grown subtly pointy—features she had often seen exaggerated in drawings of immortals. Immortals had a powerful unnatural healing ability and could even regrow organs and teeth, shift and mend bones, and renew skin and hair, so her change in appearance perhaps wasn't all that strange. She was no longer human after all.
When she tried a full smile, her beautiful countenance twisted and she looked positively predatory with her wide mouth and rows of pointy teeth, and her unsettling black eyes that seemed to want to swallow the world didn't help either. People in this world looked what Barrel might only recognize as "some kind of asian", but Gu's eyes could be considered notably slanted in either world. She dropped the pretend smile and returned to an unreadable expression.
For some reason she had remained below average height and dainty, but toned muscles really weren't much of an indicator in this world.
When she patted and straightened out her dirty robe, the loose threads dangling at the fringes teased some long forgotten part of her mind—it was time to go shopping, hopefully without drawing too much attention. Following a bit of huffing and puffing, she managed to mostly withdraw her aura.
—o—
—"Hey, granpa Nin, there's a customer!" a plump little girl said, peeking into a backroom packed with mannequins, sewing tools, bolts of cloth and paper rolls containing patterns.
Parked in the only remaining space sat a desk and a chair with an old man hunched half asleep, chewing on a myrre-stick—smoking near the clothes naturally couldn't be done. He stirred and looked up at the girl.
—"So? Take care of it."
—"But she asked about our shop's name and if it had anything to do with a Shun Chaoshi she once knew."
Hearing this Nin wrinkled his brows. His mother had died 20 years ago so this must be an old customer. He had better go out and greet her. He ambled out of the backroom and wiggled in behind the shop's counter.
—"Welcome to Chaoshi's Dreamweave, customer. I'm the owner, Nin Chaoshi." he said, habitually bowing lightly before taking a look at a dainty figure.
Before him stood an absolute contradiction of a woman. She looked destitute like a hobo, but was indescribably beautiful, with abyssal inky eyes that could topple empires and penetrate the heavens. And something about her was utterly terrifying. Nin immediately suspected that he was dealing with an eccentric rogue cultivator and broke out in a cold sweat.
—"Uncle Nin" the woman started, paused and frowned as if realising something, then continued "Shop owner Nin, is this shop related to a Shun and if that's the case, what happened to her?"
—"Shun Chaoshi was my mother. She founded this shop 70 ears ago and for a while it was fairly prosperous."
—"Hah—so that's it. It's good to hear that she made it. I thought she had perhaps gotten sold off.", the mystery woman said familiarly.
—"May- May I ask how customer knew my mother?", Nin tested.
—"She was my last remaining maidservant, before I nearly got murdered, that is." she said, her expression barely shifting.
Nin was shocked. Didn't this mean-
—"Haah!" he cried, attempting to fall to his knees but failing as the space behind the counter didn't allow it.
This terrifying woman must be Gu Magog, the cultivating fifth princess who disappeared during the upheaval all those years ago. She was the one who lopped off the emperor's feet! She once had a huge bounty on her head.
Nin really didn't know what to do now so he just remained folded over the counter in what felt like an idiot's bow. He didn't know which side she was on or if she even cared about the affairs of the Ghouza Domain anymore.
—"Hey, that's enough of that, I'm actually looking for a dress." she coughed, breaking the tension.
—"Aah, I see! I see!" Nin said after carefully getting back up, assuming his most prim and proper posture and trying his best business smile.
—"If this humble shop can serve the princess we will naturally do our utmost."
The princess quickly pointed at a red dress robe. It was the most expensive one in the shop as it embroideries, as well as metal ornaments on the shoulders, chest, and waist.
—"I'll just take that one. How much is it? Can I pay with these?" the princess said, taking some very old large denomination silver dahls out of nowhere.
Nin panicked—that dress had actually been reserved by the daughter of one of the worst officials in the imperial court. To make matters worse this dangerous princess offered to pay with silver dahls from before the purge and new minting. Gold he could have secretly melted, but the silver wasn't worth its weight and just showing the engravings on the old dahls was now dangerous—even the collectors in the black market wouldn't touch the stuff.
Nin had no choice—he had to pick a side, so he bowed again.
—"I beg the fifth princess to take my granddaughter to safety. The people here are suffering and her parents are already dead. The imperial court is rotten, packed with overlords from the neighbouring empires."
—"Hum, I had a feeling this was the case. I guess I'll just barrel the lot.", the fifth princess said, looking thoughtful.
What was barreling? It sounded ominous. He hoped it was painful.
—o—
Gu really hadn't expected to run into descendants of her maid. That maid had always been loyal to Gu, whilst some of the others had become willing pawns of her late aunt's schemes. She supposed she could help the kid, but it was better to just deal with the underlying problem directly.
She spent a while in the shop getting cleaned up and dressed. Nin's plump granddaughter looked only 11 but seemed adept at adjusting dresses. When it came to Gu's long hair it just couldn't be cut by mortal tools and they blunted a pair of shears finding out. Gu had to cut it using her old, basic grade sword extension technique. By using Qi, the user could briefly give a sword an extended immaterial edge. As her cultivation improved she found that she didn't really need to use a sword, and could just use a stick or even her finger. It came in rather handy when chopping screaming vegetables in the secret space, and now she could even chop things a dozen steps away.
She found out that the footless emperor died miserable three decades back, and after that puppet emperor working for the Truzhuk Donpu was put on the throne. Then another spirit stone vein was found near the capital and another neighbouring power—the Kingdom of Ezuzel—stepped in, deposed the puppet emperor and covertly installed their own. It was a complicated situation with neither neighbour really daring to officially claim the Ghouza Domain. Instead they just ate away at the borders and postured.
So the fat guy on the throne was someone from Ezuzel, here to rob the Ghouza Domain of all its domestic resources and exploit its people. In addition, a lot of people had just disappeared and it was possible an evil sect was behind it, and the sitting emperor seemed to be covering it up. Gu would have to look into it.
Just as Gu was ready to leave she heard the shop's door bell and she turned her head. She saw a lanky man entering flanked by two overladen servants. His hands were clasped behind his back, his nose upturned, and his eyes pointing at the heavens. He harrumphed at the surroundings and spoke as if to no one in particular.
—"I've come for the dress. It has better be ready for her party!"
Then he spotted Gu's back, bent forward and squinted at the dress, making it apparent that he had terrible eyesight.
—"You've sold my daughter's dress you lowborn fool? Are you looking to be put on the wall and have your spawn put in the brothels?"
Before Nin could blubber a panicked response, Gu's pleasant voice could be heard.
—"I'll be back later to sort things out. Don't worry about the trash—I'll take it out on my way."
Then she turned, grabbed the man's face, nearly crushing it, and pushed out of the store like an unstoppable force.
The man's heels dragged on the dirt road outside, his little fancy slippers falling off. The two servants had just disappeared, but Gu hadn't walked long before a squad of guards appeared along with some curious bystanders. Feeling that they were about to talk nonsense she used what Barrel felt should be called the "laser finger" to neatly slice off his four limbs, taking care not to get any of the spray on her new dress, though it was already red so a little might be not show. The man briefly shrieked and then fainted. Realising that this psychopathic woman might be a cultivator, the guards didn't dare to interfere—they didn't dare at all!
A dangerous smile grew on Gu's face seeing an empty barrel at the side of the street. Plop. He fit into it so nicely. Then another notion surfaced—wasn't it time to test that strange liquid?
She took a full barrel out of her space, using it to top up the barrel with the man inside. At first he woke up and screamed, then he just gurgled in the fluid. She waited a few minutes but the man didn't seem to die, despite his condition. Huh. well, let's put a lid on that, she thought, and sealed the barrel, lifting it and carrying it like a serving plate on three fingers. She knew just where to place it.
A gaggle of people followed her to the wall and eventually begun to shout "Down with the usurpers!", "Death to the regime!" and down with this and that person. Gu took note of the names. At this point the guards had already made themselves scarce. Everyone seemed to sense a great upheaval coming.
On her way to the wall Gu came across a lot with empty barrels that she with unabashed compulsion put into her storage ring.
After having dropped her already stuffed barrel off at the wall, she immediately stepped up above the city and confirmed a suspicion—some rats were already leaving, their line of four fancy carriages looking to be in a hurry. She must have alerted them when she first made her appearance because they were already well beyond the city limits and about to enter a forest. She caught up to them in 100 steps, from their perspective suddenly just appearing standing there in the air ahead. After releasing the drought beasts with her laser finger the carriages were naturally left immobile.
The drought beasts—high end turbo elephants by barrel's description—ran off into the forest. Seeing the expensive blue scaled Ponpon beasts disappear, she overheard a conversation coming from inside a stranded luxurious carriage.
—"Present it now or I'll have you whipped bloody, stupid slave!" a man said.
A door clattered open and a person disembarked, carrying a heavy chest that was then politely placed in front of Gu.
—"My master wishes to present these as a show of good faith, hoping that you won't hold up his journey... and won't visit terrible, terrible violence upon his body, taking revenge for the untold-"
—"SLAVE!" a warning voice roared from inside the carriage.
But Gu had already understood the slave's meaning, so she just nodded at the man, stepped down onto the ground and took a look in the chest. It contained a bunch of basic grade techniques. She had seen a few before, but one was new—Ghost Wave. It had nothing to do with sending out waves of ghosts—which could have been a thing in this world as ghosts were very much real—rather, it was about making things move on their own with the wave of a hand. It wasn't very useful to a formation building cultivator as all they'd be able to do was make a paper lantern swing, or a pen roll off a table.
However, Gu was a sky realm cultivator and a quick learner. Soon she was pulling boulders of increasing size out of a field. With this technique she could have pulled up those screaming vegetables from beyond earshot.
The people in the carriages seemed to have quieted. Suddenly she got an idea, and started using Ghost Wave to pull the nails out of the most luxurious carriage. Each nail shrieked a bit as it was forced out, so it was a bit like those vegetables. Shriek't! Shriek't! Shriek't! Some fine control was needed.
—"What-what's happening. What's that noise?"
All of the nails came out and her mastery of the technique improved. The walls fell outwards. Inside rested the fat man she had seen on the throne in the palace. He had a wet towel on his forehead and looked incredibly red and flustered, and a little confused seeing her.
—"Uh, aah... Great Immortal. As the third prince's important nephew and treasured friend of the Thousand Furnace Sect, I, Zus Millwred of the Kingdom of Ezuzel and reigning emperor of the Ghouza Domain, wishes... wishes for an honest... an honest dis-"
Gu ignored him. Just as she started work on the other wagons, she got a strange feeling and looked off at the distance. Three figures came running over, apparently using some kind of footwork technique because they were much faster than Gu. They were not hiding their cultivation and Gu reckoned they were probably late core establishment realm cultivators. While this realm was much inferior to Gu's, they might still pose quite the threat if they knew any dangerous techniques, had some overpowered spirit tools or talismans, or perhaps just a lot of combat experience. Sure, Gu had air supremacy, but she might not be able to safely outmaneuver three pursuers if things got dicey, so she grew wary.
The fat man's mood however immediately improved upon seeing the newcomers.
—"Ha-ha bitch, now you've got it coming—that's the Thousand Furnace Sect! They don't take kindly to people meddling in their affairs. You know what they'll do? Hah- they'll paralyze you, bury you up to the head in dirt and refine you until you're a dry husk. You're just furnace trash! Everyone in this garbage dump of a domain will be refined! Heads in the dirt! Neat little rows of furnace trash! All glory to the Thousand Furnace Sect! All glory-" he howled, spittle flying as he clearly evidenced his allegiance.
Moments later the three cultivators had arrived. Gu thought she could recognize the design of their robes—hadn't that guy who destroyed her escape talisman back then worn this type of robe? As for what furnaces were, they were cauldrons used to refine and concoct medicines and pills, but not just plants and liquids were used as ingredients, but also spirit stones, elemental forces and beast parts... and apparently also living humans as she had just learned. Why a thousand furnaces though? Did they have a thousand of them? Or did each member refine a thousand people? Or did they just think it sounded cool? At any rate, she got the idea that they were a real nasty bunch.
CHAPTER 5.
On a plain at the edge of a forest stood four carriages abandoned by their draught beasts. Ahead of the immobile procession stood a woman in red. Flanking her were three members of the Thousand Furnace Sect. A stone throws distance away a nervous slave hid in some shrubberies, ready to watch the show of his life. In a dismantled carriage a fat man grinned, also ready to watch the show of his life.
Gu lightly patted and adjusted her red robe as if not at all bothered by the present situation. Seeing that her three antagonists were about to smirk, put on airs and talk nonsense, she pressured them a bit with just her cultivation aura—which was the only high level attack she had,really. Just as she had hoped, they grew rather pale in the face and seemed to abandon whatever plan they might have had. One even got a nosebleed and stumbled. Very good—their game had crumbled.
Seeing them actually try to run, she used Ghost Wave. Woosh, woosh, woosh—their bodies flew up into the air making an arc. Woosh, woosh woosh—towards the end of that arc flew three barrels coming out of her storage space, already prepped with the strange liquid. Chup-chup-chup-chup, chup-chup-chup... the limbs of her assailants fell off. Plop, plop, plop—their bodies landed perfectly in the barrels, silencing the brief screams. Gu pumped her fist. Swipt, swipt swipt—barrel lids shot forth like frisbees, and with a flick of her wrist the barrels were sealed. Rustle, rustle, rustle—she quickly buried the barrels, not caring much about these kind of disruptive side characters.
Suddenly she felt like something was wrong. That's right—what about the karma situation? Was she being too much of a murder-hobo?
Anyways, it was time to deal with the carriages, so she walked over, startling the frozen fatty to motion.
—"Aaah... this lowly one- this lowly one was just speaking nonsense just now!", he said, waving his flubby arms wildly as if trying to wipe the trouble away.
Gu ignored him and proceeded to disassemble the other carriages, finding various officials and treasures inside, including another technique book—Sidestep.
After practicing it for an incense stick's worth of time, another cultivator came rushing over. This one seemed a bit more powerful than the other three. It was an evil looking old woman clad in a fancier version of the Thousand Furnace Sect robes.
—"It's a sect elder. A sect elder! Hahaha! stupid bitch—now you're really done for. Please, Venerable Sect Elder, punish this disrespectful tart—she just killed three disciples of the Thousand Furnace Sect!"
Hearing this, the sect elder directed her full pressure at Gu.
—"Kneel."
Gu felt that the pressure was a bit stronger than it ought to be. Was she using a technique?
—"Why would I kneel to an old hag?" Gu said
—"Who are you calling an old hag?"
—"I never did, those three guys did."
—"They dared!?"
—"If I lied, may the heavens strike me!" Gu said putting her fist to her heart and looking solemn.
But after saying this Gu immediately realized that something was wrong. She felt a deep dread that something bad was going to happen. She had forgotten about something important about this world.
Within moments dark clouds had gathered in the sky and then a red lightning bolt shot down right at Gu.
Damnit! She quickly reached into her storage and brought out the umbrella. The bolt hit the umbrella splaying over it like a hollow point bullet. Her arms were shocked numb and her knees nearly buckled. She waited with bated breath but fortunately the strike appeared to just have been a warning shot.
In this world the very much tangible presence of heaven's judgment meant that promises and oaths were more likely to mean something, that people would rather bend the truth or be selective than outright lie, and that merchants were a little more honest.
Gu had sunk into a small crater but when she saw that her antagonist just 20 steps away had gotten a bit frizzled as well she immediately took action, using her laser finger attack to sneak attack. Somehow the old woman sensed it and parried with a spooky dagger. Gu put away the umbrella and brought a second index finger out, persistently dual wielding until finally the disoriented old woman took a slice right down the forehead, dying on the spot.
Remembering something, Gu turned to look at the fatty, but this time he said nothing. She harrumphed.
But just then yet another person came rushing, taking long steps in the air. Seeing that the fatty was about to speak, she pointed a warning finger at him.
The new challenger was an old man and if his robe ornaments were anything to go by, he was a step up in rank from the old woman. Now having seen two old cultivators, Gu guessed that they were nearing the end of their lifespans and were old monsters. This guy looked to have reached the spirit sea condensation realm, stage 8, judging by his aura. Seeing how he was about to speak, Gu hushed at him.
—"Don't tell me, you're the sect boss. I've reached the boss fight, right? Do you guys live near here or what?"
The old man sneered and tried to stare her down, not even glancing at corpse of the old woman.
—"Tell me what sect you're from so I can raze it to the ground."
She leisurely stepped into the air, walked up to the old man, smiled, and answered.
—"I'm from the Prattling Hibiscus Sect. If I lie, may the heavens strike you down!", she tested.
Upon hearing her remark, the dissipating dark cloud promptly gathered up again. Gu however was disappointed to find that her trick didn't work, and this time her shenanigans earned her three consecutive lightning bolts. Fortunately her umbrella seemed to hold up. Unfortunately the old man didn't suffer any collateral damage as he was shielded by some artefact and then took a quick step back using a technique Gu very much wanted. She was going to ask about it, but the heavens must have grown annoyed and sent down a fourth much stronger bolt. Gu used her space step to once again approach the old man. The thick red lightning curved and followed her. It blew the umbrella apart, sending both Gu and the old man flying. Gu wasn't sure if the shock made her hear things, but didn't the heavenly thunder cloud just snort?
At any rate, now she was without any defense. She was in real trouble, and her dress was burnt and in tatters. Damn old fart—I just got this dress, she thought inwardly, putting none of the blame on her tactics.
—"Ding! It's time for the periodic system gift. You get a crappy gun."
A black handgun appeared in her hand. A 22. It did not belong in this world at all. She was rather doubtful that a 22 could even damage a cultivator. Nevertheless, Gu pointed it at the old man who was just getting up, and pulled the trigger.
Squirt.
It was a squirt gun. No wonder it felt a little plastic. The system had returned to giving her crappy things.
Still, she hit the guy. He got a wet patch on his collar and looked momentarily confused by the water. When he saw the frustrated look on Gu's face he put on his sneer again, brought a massive glaive out of his space storage, and dashed forward at Gu. It must have been a powerful technique because he was swirling it and creating all sorts of majestic and oppressive effects.
Even though Gu dodged as fast as she could, the attacks kept coming and she was seriously out-techniqued. All of her sneaky laser finger counter attacks were easily parried by the old monster. Eventually she lost a hand to the swirling blade and her opponent saw it fit to pause and gloat.
—"Heh, I've always been able to fight opponents above my level, and you're only so much. Your strange tricks and distractions are useless against me. It's over. Kneel and grovel and I might-'
Gu put her hand into storage, slowly descended as she cut off the blood supply to the stump and pondered, not listening to the old man's monologue. She got an idea but needed a distraction. Ah, that's right, she could use-
Wiggling her eyebrows at the old man, she took out a peach, bit into it in a very unladylike manner, sending juices pouring down her chin and neck, slurping and chewing loudly.
—"Yum, Frifschlelefrifschled peaches scho good!" she said with the mouth full.
The old man's eyes widened in shock, clearly recognising the Pripplestippled Peach.
—"Hand me that now woman or you'll die very, very slowly." he enunciated, pointing dead straight at the fruit.
Gu was just about to take another bite but paused, looking surprised.
—"Ok, ok, relax old man."
She reached out with the hand holding the peach, but then dropped it into the hard dirt and pressed it underfoot with a sandy squelch.
—"Nooooo!"
The old man rushed forth and Gu hopped back holding her hands up in a disarming gesture. The effect was greater than she had expected--the old man fell onto his knees, licking the dirt with fervour as if a dog.
Busy as he was, he scarcely cared being shot by the insane woman's water squirting tool again, only really being wary about sensing her immaterial edge attack. However, when he got hit in the eyes by the water he felt a terrible burn and his eyesight blurred. He took out an expensive potion but it just flew out of his hands and then more of the burning liquid covered him. Next the finger with his storage ring fell off and after that all of his four limbs. The rest of him then flew into the air and into a burning darkness.
Gu sealed the barrel up and used it as a seat. That was a close call! Taking a deep breath, she fetched her hand and directed the abundant energy gained from the spirit peach into the stump, healing the cut. It hurt quite badly as the tendons pulled into place, but less so than the time she got all carved up by an electrified knife while chained onto a rusty mattress bottom. Damn treacherous Los Impetuosos—may they forever wear their concrete shoes. She was fortunate that the mattress bottom had been so heavily rusted though, though she had to worry about having contracted tetanus for weeks afterwards. Recovering all alone in a countryside shed with no doc in sight had been no fun at all. So in comparison, this little bit of momentary pain was nothing, and with her cultivation and body constitution she didn't have to worry about infections.
She flexed her reattached hand and sighed. It was a real pity losing the umbrella and the peach, but perhaps the two's storage rings would make up for some of her losses.
CHAPTER 6. To be written. /////////
Mini story: Since many Thousand Furnace Sect's people are now missing, the sect is at risk. A search party sent out and arrive. 5 barrels buried beneath their feet, unfound. Party returns to discover that with the sect master gone, another nasty sect has destroyed theirs. Foreboding.
Main story: No need to deal with the specifics of carriage people in writing. Likely locked in the palace dungeons, perhaps a gift to the slaves and servants?
What did she loot? Will she remain without any graded techniques?
REFERENCE & NOTE & IDEA SECTION:
Maybe next-up in no specific order:
She devices a "dropped wallet test" to gather a "team peach".
Now, Gu was a bit of a hypocrite, she'd fail that test. But she still didn't want people like herself on her team.
She uses her laser finger to cut out a safe cave in the secret world, so her team can cultivate there?
The peaches can give a person a spirit root, improve one, or help with a breakthrough. Give the maidservant descendant? Make emperor?
Undertaker Bangzu's grandson becomes an unwilling minion?
Street urchin?
Needs to address the karma situation, turning over a leaf? Trying...
She decides to join a sect to steal their technique manuals.
She doesn't know it's a demonic sect full of assholes.
She tags along with a guy who is terrible.
Her patience wears out and arrives at the sect carrying a barrel.
Everyone in the sect drives her insane and she ends up not fixing her karma.
Sidekick or pet dog: if MC gets too OP, add pet dog and other characters?
Goes to hell and is tossed out?
Her lips curled into a demonic smile. I'll tell you a secret: unfortunately, not even hell dared to take me in.
Tequila tolerance dumb joke because she's mexican?
Do some beast encounters.
Technique situation... a constant weak point of hers?
Join or wreck a sect? Fight with old monster.
Throws a peach into a crowd of cultivators and watches them self-annihilate?
Reveals: Barrel helped out in a food stand where she made that burrito and handed it to some guy. She got the system because of the remnant will of the burrito. But Barrel was also kind of awful as a person, so...
Leaving this sarcastic remark behind as he left.
...on earth where x made people both stupid and evil, in any order.
Dog eat dog world, but...?
Kindness to an enemy is cruelty to oneself.
Was it her who dreamed of the butterfly, or the butterfly who dreamed of her?
Beast tide.
Characters:
Main: Gu Magog, fifth princess. What's Barrel's real Mexican name? Jimena Rosalia Valencia?
Lucia (light) Jimena (heard by god), Renata (reborn), Rosalinda (roses have thorns), Valentina/Valencia (strong)
Father: Bze Magog, deposed.
Mother: ?
Uncle: Yub Magog, the footless emperor.
Aunt: Reka Magog, antagonizer.
Undertaker: Bangzu family?
Immortal stranger: Probably a stage 6 low immortal with some fancy spirit tools.
Inheritence old fart: Jinn.
Zus Millwred
Nin and.... I forgot.
Places:
Home empire: Ghouza Domain.
Antagonist neighbour: Truzhuk Donpu, Ezuzel
Nearby sect: ?
Misc: Ancestral shrine, Sect training ground, Pagoda, courtyard. Cultivation tower w/ floors.
Terms:
Spirit Stone: Spirit energy that has condensed into rock form or been trapped.
Spirit Root: To cultivate one needs a spirit root. These are graded from common to high and upwards and it's very rare to even have one.
Meridian: Spirit energy pathways of the body.
Body Constitution: A body quirk, such as being extra strong, or resistant to fire or poison. About as rare as having a spirit root, but more common in beasts. Without a spirit root the body constitution will be left unpowered and dormant.
Techniques: Documented skills, teachable via books, bamboo slips, holographic jades, lingering spirits, mind transfer...
Proffessions: face changing, talismans (drawn on paper), formations (requires flags and stones usually), alchemy (pill making and sometimes item enhancing, sometimes smithing), doctor (pulse taking, herbal remedies, acupuncture). Ghost hunting. Beast tamer, egg raiser.
Ranks:
x. Mortals.
Typical lifespan: 35-80 years.
0. Cultivating Mortal - Foundation Building - Common or Basic grade, or no grade.
Prolonged lifespan: 12 years per stage, 108 years total.
A mortal cultivator can use the capacitance of their meridian pathways to improve their senses, agility and strength, and also to heal their bodies.
1. Low Immortal - Core Establishment - Low grade or grade one.
Lifespan: 35 years per stage, stacked on top the earlier realm, so some half a millenium.
Low immortals can use their core as a battery, which is a great improvement.
2. High Immortal - Spirit Sea Condensation - High grade or grade two.
Lifespan: technically immortal if not killed, but immortals can still die from cultivation related ailments like blowback and inner demons.
Can air-walk though it's a bit exhausting at the lower stages.
3. Sky Immortal - ? - Sky grade. Can use inner space storage.
To reach this rank one must pass a heavenly tribulation. Can take 100 steps in one.
4. Celestial. Celestial grade.