The plathidooks
Zigakoch had been too careless when crossing gigaheckway 14590 and now he was dead. It wasn't as bad as it seemed though—death was not at all like advertised. For him at least, death was just... kind of floating alone in a void? So there he was, quite formless—no hezmadong, no vibroflicks, no underscrag flaff gills, no nothing.
Just as he was getting bored he shot into a strange red tunnel ending in a bright light, and then he gained form again. He was now a strange brown-pink thing with two flailing appendages called arms, and two other ones called legs. Rather than sensing using a primary hezmadong, he was limited to simple sight and hearing—smell he did not care for as it was a generally an unpleasant sensation hereabout.
Where?
He apparently found himself loitering on a primitive world somewhat sparely populated by a constantly dirty sentient race calling themselves "humans". Most of the time these creatures just sat around fires eating nuts and roasting meat. They had no concept of the Transactive Theory of Kapohdoh, no ee-phi devices, no ultra-towers, no gigaheckways, not even a plathidook complex.
Zigakoch wandered the world for half a century and realized that he was practically immortal, basically only needing some food every now and then. Meanwhile around him the other humans quickly lived and died, not doing much of use in Zigakoch's opinion. Thinking about this for a long time, he eventually saw a way to improve the situation. He taught them how to dig for heavy lodth and black vylch, and within three centuries a thousand manned factories were in operation, thousands of lodth moulds busy pressing vylch into the shape of orange plathidooks. Just as the Transactive Theory of Kapohdoh predicted, the plathidooks had become central to trade. Many tribes became enamored by the exotic platidooks but had little to trade with except for land and labour. However, this type of trade was just what the plathidook industry needed.
The immortal Zigakoch and his many preachers also worked hard with chieftains around the world to make sure plathidooks were properly integrated and centered into peoples' daily lives. The best part of plathidooks was that they degraded to a flaky finish after 20 years and turned into vylch micropowder after one to five centuries, which wasn't much time for Zigakoch, but too long for a normal human to notice. "A plathidook is always in demand" as Kapohdoh once said.
/ Pup-pup-Puplathidook-plathidook, 1,2,3, yay plathidook!
In your bunk, in a pond, 1, 2, 3, yay plathidook! /
Three more centuries passed, and 85% of the primitive humans now worked in factories, either operating the pressing moulds or heating vulch over wood fueled stoves. The growth curve followed the typical 606-52-curve established by Kapohdoh himself. Every man woman and child was involved—no one without a job, though many also died prematurely due to some strange effect of the lodth metal on this planet. Nevertheless, productivity saturation was close to ideal, partly due to Zigakoch's 5-o-10 baby policy dictating that for each family, at least five out of ten babies with minimal birth defects should survive to enter the production apparatus.
/ Get the latest plathidook for play - it jingles - it spins - spins on your head! Wow—the new plathidook both spins and jingles - jingles and spins!
Grandma, what do youuuu want when you turn 35?
Oh honey, the new plathidooks of course—they're not just for kiiiids! Ha-ha grandma—oh, let's get one for grampa's grave too! Spin on his graaaave! Radical! /
Strangely, reports were coming in that some species of animals had started to disappear. Fishes, insects, that sort of thing. It might've had something to do with every beach being covered by discarded and disintegrating past expiry date plathidooks, but Zigakoch managed to quell most of the dissent using his cultural preachers. Weren't plathidooks central to everyone's way of life? If people didn't want to be a part of the system, why not just pay the plastidooks to buy a private paradise island or try their luck illegally surviving in the deforested wastes?
Three centuries later Zigakoch was alone on a dying planet, every tree burned and every sea and ocean covered by plathidooks. It was great. Peak 606-52 curve. Zigakoch thus lived content and alone in his bunker, supplies lasting him another 300 years before he died.
Then he found himself floating in a void, formless.